6/22/2016. I’ll probably start doing open mics because it’s fun. I still hate being on stage in front of people. I need to work on that. Open mics are great because I’ll never be the least funniest one there. Or the fattest. Peace and love.
Ironically her name is “Heard…”
Straight Outta Class
This is it? Dude, I swear to god if I die and all I get is a placemarker the size of an iPad I will turn into Casper the angry as fuck ghost.
EFIL4ZAKCARC:
Watched the Straight Outta Compton movie last night. I watched it via a piracy system… streamed to my TV as if it was on a legitimate On Demand system. I still don’t know if I ganked or gaffled it.
If you want to immerse yourself into the NWA experience… just drink malt liquor during the first half of the movie and then smoke weed during the second half. It’ll be like you’re there, cuz.
goochout.
Actually posted on Facebook but then taken down
I think it’s hilarious but the timing was off. If it was closer to the NWA movie or the launching of Beats by Dre… anything timely or topical in the news that this would play off of. I saw a kid with a pair of “Beats By Dre” headphones around his neck. I thought to myself that I’d never wear expensive headphones because I’d get beat up for them. Beats. Beat for Beats. Beatings by Dre. Dee Barnes was beat by Dre. No one remembers that story because it wasn’t in the movie and it’s kind of an obscure piece of hip hop history now. So it’s funny if you remember the story and never thought of “Beats by Dre” in the connotation of physical harm.
Related story HERE.
I’m a dick and no one should like me.
I felt bad for making this picture in PhotoShop, so I reached out to Michael J. Fox to apologize. He sent me this:
Tweet that didn’t make it
The new Call of Duty screen shots haven’t really impressed me so far.
Tweet that didn’t make it
She’s really attractive. I’d have sex with her even if she told me she didn’t want to.
This is everything I want in life. In one picture.
Exactly. I want to wear a slave Leia bikini while sucking on C3PO’s finger. If she was from Gresham, they would have had to dip the finger in ranch first to get this shot.
Sweet dreams are made of this.
Normally I don’t get a deep sleep when I’m not wearing my CPAP. Which I haven’t worn in a few days because I sometimes fall into a denial where I don’t want to be reminded that I’m an old fat fuck that needs a CPAP.
Last night I had three distinct dreams.
1: I’m banging my friend’s fat wife.
2: I’m banging some chick that I’m inexplicably Facebook friends (never met in person) with who is also massive.
3: I go to pull something out of the recycle bin and there’s a bunch of checks that I accidentally threw in the recycling (I receive checks from multiple clients and once I’ve processed the payments, I throw the check stubs in the recycling). I hate accounting, I’m bad at it, but the amount of money I make depends on me not fucking up. Throwing away checks is an example of a fuckup that I’m clearly fearful I’ll make.
I mean these dreams were all vivid, I remember the conversations that were had, the rooms in which the banging was occurring (both were in different hotels that I’ve stayed).
What’s going on with my life that I can’t even have decent sex dreams? I had conversations with the friend’s wife and she’s describing how she kind of feels bad about cheating on her husband with his friend. And I’m just not grasping the concept of what’s going on. Like she’s the lucid one and I’m in a haze.
I don’t know, man. I’m a weird dude.
In addition to all of this, I’m having trouble remembering people’s names. like in a weird way. Like I had a stroke or something. It’s horrific.
goochout.
White Like Me
Are those authentic tribal stripper heels she’s wearing?
Crackaz:
This Rachel Dolezal story is fascinating to me. Everyone is making a big deal about some chick who pretends she’s black. I went to a predominantly black high school in the 90s and pretty much every single white person there acted black. It was fashionable. I mean, I was so wildly untrendy that I hung out with the soccer players (I played football) and wore Swatches.
But we’re losing sight of the most important element of the story.
“Gooch,” you ask: “is it that besides the race with which she identifies, she still did good work for the NAACP and these recent revelations shouldn’t overshadow or maginalize that work?”
No, homies. It’s that she’s kind of hot.
Look at her, yo. Those eyes, that ebony skin fake tan.She’s gorgeous. What’s weird is that before I’d never try to date her. Not because I’m racist, but because there isn’t a black girl on the planet that would put up with my bullshit. Not for two seconds. And I drive the only two cars manufactured, a Ford Escape and a Toyota Prius, that no black person to this day has ever been seen in. Look it up.
But yeah, everyone is involved in this stupid discussion about identity, race, and culture… I’m over here wondering if I can get her kids to call me “white dad.”
I mean, she’s clearly a world class bullshitter. At the end of the interview she should have just started clicking and grabbed her shit and leave. It’d be the blackest thing she could have done.
Fight The Power.
Gooch:Out
GOOCHONLINE 