Finally… I pass a test.


I passed all of my STD tests. With flying colors. It’s a bitch getting everything tested because there’s so much shit out there and for some reason you have to explicitly request each individual test. In an effort to stop diseases from being spread, can’t they just check for everything? It’s a money thing, I’m sure. I never had an AIDS test until I got examined for some high caliber insurance. Passed that.

Here I am. Forty years-old and not even cold sores. Most people wouldn’t have the “drop to your knees and raise your arms to the sky” glee that I have at this moment of STI absolution. However, the gauntlet of sketchy strange through which I’ve plowed my 4″ loofa would make even a prison shower rapist wince.

Of course, I’m single. I spend a shit ton of time at home. Except for work, I never leave. Call of Duty could be partly to blame for that. I don’t know. I haven’t adapted the whole “40 is a new beginning” or whatever bullshit of which meme I should be posting on Facebook.

Speaking of Facebook, I almost captioned this gem. I appreciate sentiment and symbolic gestures, and feelgood shit. I also recognize link/like/share baiting and the exploitation therein. When a news station posts a picture of a missing child and they say “like and share to spread the word” it’s 90% a means of generating traffic, through which they make money. It’s disgusting.

Here’s this, posted by a news station:



It’s adorable. Parents add a sandbox to their child’s headstone so their other son can play with him. Most people think, you know, “adorable.”

Here’s my mindset at this moment, which is why I’m staying in the house a lot lately:


1: That kid is going to grow up to be incredibly goth.

2: How many Catholic priests are preordering the same add-on for their headstone?

3: What if Ryan Michael Jolley was just a really clever pedophile who wanted to ensure he got some action even after he expired?


I was going to write a longer post, but my attention span is minimal at best. Or at worst. Lately it doesn’t seem to matter.




One thought on “Finally… I pass a test.

  1. I see it and think the cats will like their pretty, blue litter.

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